the two week challenge

I am currently reading a book written by Elizabeth Elliot and last night what I read offered a challenge...the challenge...stop complaining for the next two weeks! In the book the question was set before me...is complaining what is keeping me from entering into the promise land? This morning was to be day one and before my feet reached the floor...there it was...the first complaint of the day...this is going to be a struggle....I am looking forward to victory in this area and I assume those who have heard my many complaints throughout the years will be blessed by the sounds of silence where there once had been a barrage of complaints. That may be my first step- if you don't have something nice to say- Don't say anything. I look forward to the day where Praising the Lord in all my circumstances will be my immediate and constant constant response.

Still Waiting

Still waiting....I want to jump into something else...go forward with prayer meetings...yet this seems to be a not yet time...the same seems to hold true for employment(this has been one long -not yet)
I go so far with okay I'll wait and trust the Lord...then I get impatient, fearful and think well maybe I didn't hear right and jump in and take action...so far this has been a mistake...
At times it is physically, emotionally, psychologically uncomfortable. I liken this to losing weight- I have gained 10 lbs for every year since I moved back to N.Y.- It has been 8 yrs that I have been overweight...so I have been wanting to lose weight for a long time...within those eight years I have attempted to change my eating habits and exercise...but I have not been consistent for one reason or other...
So while it seems like I have been "waiting" a long, long time...because I have jumped in and tried to have things my way - I have not truly been waiting...waiting on my Lord and Savior looking to Him for direction and guidance...trusting His timing...not panic during the quiet times....I see that sometimes I want to jump into something, just do something is because I don't want to face what is confronting me at the time. I don't know how to stay put when it gets uncomfortable...sure there is a time to move out of uncomfortable situations but there are other times that dealing with the uncomfortable will lead to healing and deliverance...and my uncomfortableness seems to be more an internal rather than in an external circumstance.

Still

Still struggling to walk the surrendered life...so many, many times I want to do things my way and in my time. I have often ran ahead only to be disappointed and have to acknowledge that the Lord did not give me the go ahead. I still lack maturity...as soon as an idea or thought forms in my heart or mind-I want to go forward with "my" plans. I don't like to wait!!!

Self presevation vs the Surrendered life

The Lord ask us to forgive those who hurt us, bless them who curse you...We are to consider others more than ourselves...it has been about three weeks since I have been hurt by someone in the church...I have found another place to worship and fellowship. But my prayers for those who hurt me are superficial at best...I believe that the Lord is showing me that my focus in on self and He wants my focus to be on Him to trust Him and keep those who hurt me in prayer with an open heart of compassion. I believe the Lord would have me stop trying to protect myself and trust Him to protect me. I don't want to give them an opportunity to hurt me again and this makes sense to me...but living in fear is not of the Lord. My prayer was and remains for the Lord to show me how to work through this - How to let go of self and love them I don't know how to do this- but I am prayerfully seeking the Lord to do this work in my heart. I believe this is a request He will Honor because it is His will that we love one another. My mind keeps reasoning so I am also asking Jesus to be Lord of my thoughts and in the name of Jesus cast out all thoughts that would exalt itself against the knowledge of God. I am beginning to see that I should read Romans again and perhaps again: I know what to do but the thing that I should do I do not...
Thank God for His Word and for those who teach , preach and testify of His Word. His word is a Living Word.

I'll Stand By You

Earlier this week I started singing I'll Stand By You. I don't have a Pretenders cd so I did a search online.
I listened over and over again. I felt the Lord saying hear this song as if I am singing it to you. I have been in pain for a few weeks...as I listened to the song again and again I felt comforted and Loved as I let my thoughts and heart hear the Lord telling me that He'll Stand By Me...He won't let nobody hurt me...even in my darkest hour...He will never desert me...there is nothing I confess that will make Him love me Less...He'll stand by me...won't let nobody Hurt me...I don't remember the lyrics verbatim...
I am amazed and grateful at all the ways Jesus will let us know that He Loves us and will protect us...Our God is a very personal God and loves us deeply and intimately. Every time I hear that song now I will think upon how Jesus used it to get me through a painful night.

Grace & Mercy is the way to go

While taking a walk with my husband yesterday - I shared what I believed the Lord was showing me about the last week...I believed the Lord was showing me that I wanted Judgement...that I had the mistaken idea that granting mercy and grace to the person who wronged me was allowing them to continue this wrong...I believe that the Lord was showing me that Judgement could not do what Grace and Mercy could -it was Grace and Mercy that gave me salvation, forgiveness, healing and deliverance...It is judgement that says I deserve punishment it is Grace and Mercy that saved me from that punishment...I am to trust God and extend Grace and Mercy to the person who wounded me...I knew all this...I just didn't recognize that I went into judging instead of applying Grace and Mercy in this particular situation...I didn't see my character....I wanted to be justified and defended -wanted someone else exposed for what they did to me...yet did not consider what if it were me...how would I want to be treated...my answer is with Grace, Mercy, Love, Forgiveness and sensitivity. I blew it! But Praise be to God...He continues to forgive and extend Grace and Mercy and He ask that I do the same...If I forgive others He is Faithful to Forgive me...What an awesome God we serve..I am still praying for the Lord to show me how to work through this...for to be honest...I still want others to know my side...if I do that than I am exposing someone else and I now believe that the Lord does not want me to do this. When I thought I was mature I see how childish I can be.

Pain

this has been a very painful week-end. We had a congregational meeting this week-end and the fall out has caused me to leave my church. I have never felt this much pain. I am seeking the Lord for healing and to show me how to work through this. The hurt is still so new...I know the danger of being out of fellowship but right now I find it hard to trust anyone with my emotions and pain. I do have a friend from another church who offered prayer and fellowship...they promised that they would call me if I don't contact them soon. Those who I have spent years in fellowship - have not reached out to me.